Kalaxis the silent hunter

Reports of my death as a blogger are greatly exaggerated.

2006-08-24T08:28:00.000-07:00

Hi everybody

This is just a quick post to say that the lack of activity is not because I don't wanna post stuff, it's because they're nothing in my life going on right now that I feel comfortable putting on a blog for the world to see. That and most of the stuff I could talk about would just bore you readers to death.

I have debated starting a myspace account but I don't think I'd use it any more than I use this blog.

Anyway, no-one seems to be reading these post anyway. If any actually reads this could they just leave a hello comment, just I know that I'm not wasting my time.

Until next time, see ya!

Photos of me

2006-07-18T08:33:00.000-07:00

Hi everybody

There are some good photos of me at:

http://myweb.tiscali.co.uk/gamestuff/heroclx2.htm

The 6 week catch-up.

2006-07-14T11:55:00.000-07:00

Hi everybody.

Once again I'v realised that it's been 6 weeks since I last posted on here so I'll start with the usual forewarning of getting comfy and maybe a nice warm drink before settling down to read it. So here goes:

I haven't planned this so I gonna start by making a list and then doing a paragraph or so on each. Let's see the major events of the last 6 weeks of my life have been:

Winning my first heroclix event.
Losing the final of the megaday event to Little Dave.
Reapplying to Garlands and not getting hired.
Sweating my ass off in the heatwave.
Coming last in the pub quiz (twice).
New baby cousin.

I'll start with winning my first heroclix event.

This was about a month ago and as usual I headed down to games club to play the weekly heroclix tournament. As usual I didn't have a clue until I got to the pub over the road from the club, Dr. Brown's (possibly Middlesbrough's best pub), and Paul told me that it was doubles night. Basically 2 on 2. So I teamed up with Alex because he didn't have a team partner and neither did I.

We entered under the tournament under the confidant (and almost clairvoyant) team name of "the soon to be crowned winners of this here tournament" and promptly lost our first match. Not a good start.
Fortunately we were put against 2 guys palying their first tournament and showed them no mercy, wiping out their entire squad of figures. This gave us and outside chance of making the final if we won our 3rd match in a convincing manner. We did.

So we faced our opponents from the first game again in the final. However, this time the outcome was in our favour as we'd learnt how best to utilize our figures. All in all, a good night's work.

The second heroclix based event of the last 6 weeks came at the club's staurday June megaday. The format for the tournament was random object tokens had been placed on the map that any figure could use. I entered my team name as "Shake, rattle and reroll".

In the first game I played Jim and won comfortable thanks to the 3 figure that allowed me to reroll misses. The second game I played Alex's hive trooper army and lost the round but scored a fair few points thanks to the glory googles object. The 3rd game I played against Dale and the annoying green lantern with it's stupid 20 defence and won thanks to the reroll element allowing me about 3 or 4 cracks at hitting the damn thing.

So I played Dave in the final and got whupped. Again. oh well, there's more events to come soon so I've got win one of them.

Applying to garlands.

At the minute my bank balance is looking critically ill so I decided to swallow my pride and reapply to go and work for Garlands again. So did Paul Crosby. Neither of us got a job. I got rejected after a hr check for unspecified reasons and Paulk got told that them were no jobs in trhe department he applied for. So we're still chronically skint.
All donations greatfully accepted....

Coming last in the pub quiz (twice)

Me, Paul, Jim and Emma have recently found that our local pub, Dr. Brown's (which is nowhere near where we live but hey) does a quiz night on a tuesday night. We're fairly intelligent people so we thought we'd enter. An hour and a half later and we're not feeling so smart afeter coming last.

A week later we decided to have another go, and came last again. Oh well at least we got first choice of the sweets.

New baby cousin.

My aunt Pauline had a baby boy of Thursday the 13th of July. Her and uncle Michael have called him Sydney and I'll be going over at the weekend to see them.

All this to the backdrop of an unusually warm summer. I've been sweating my ass off for the last 3 months and it's gonna get warmer still apparently. Good help us poor brits who aren';t used to good weather. Not that I'm saying it's a bad thing.

Finally finished and now I'm off to see if I can afford a new phone. I'm guessing not.

Until next time, see ya!

Da Vinci Code: A review

2006-06-07T04:21:00.000-07:00

Hi everybody

Well 3 weeks ago, I went to see the Da Vinci code movie, and I've finally found the time to do a review so here it is.

Basically if you liked the book, you'll like the movie. It's stays extremely close and even has moments of dialogue lift directly from the book. These are mostly the funnier lines like when Vernet offers to sell Collet his rolex for 30 euros.

Casting wise, I was a bit unsure when I heard Tom Hanks had been cast as Robert Langdon. However, within the first 15 minutes any doubt I had were gone. The way he played Langdon's claustrophobia convinced me.

Audrey Tautou as Sophie Neveu was again something I didn't think was right but damn having seen her in the role I couldn't think of anyone better suited for it.
Sir Ian McKellen as Leigh Teabing. A performance too good for words. Outstanding.

But the absolutely best cast character is without a doubt the murderous monk, Silas, played by Paul Bettany. When he first appeared on screen, I thought the casting team must have somehow been reading my thoughts. He's exactly the ghostly white half man/half zombie I imagined.

Story wise, a couple of added scenes (Langdon in the well being especially well shot) help to fleah out the thin parts of the story. The templar sequence is a highlight for history buffs looking for u=inaccuracies to nitpick over.

All in all, an excellent book to screen conversion.

Until next time,see ya!

A brief catch-up

2006-05-18T04:45:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone

Apologies firstly. I'm becoming an irregular blogger at the moment. This is because my sister's had her internet taken out and therefore I can't go round hers and type this. This means I'm stuck typing these in the public library which I don't like as I get very self-conscience while typing.

Anyway, in the past few weeks I've been letting my beard grow. Only in the past week has it finally grown into the sort of beard that joins up with the sideburns. No one seems to have noticed so I'm gonna just leave it and see how long and bushy it gets before it annoys me.

On the jobs hunt, I've had brief success. For about 2 days, I was a door to door salesman for a new company founded by my brother's amte called Adeptio. It didn't work out though because I was too shy to knock and when I did knock and get an answer, I invariably screwed up the sales pitch. So I'm still unemployed.

There won't even be the chance of getting taken on by Alan full time any more as on Saturday, he packed up his shop without so much as a word of forewarning. Oh well, it was good being a part time computer games salesman while it lasted.

On the plus side though, roll on tomorrow. The Da Vinci code movie opens in the U.K and me, Paul, Emma, and Jim are going down to see it. Already got tickets thanks to pre-bookingand everything. I'll do a review for my next post.

Until next time, see ya!

Recommended! 005

2006-04-27T01:44:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone

It's been about 3 weeks since the last post and about 10 since the last recommended, so this seems like a fiting way to (hopefully) get back in the post typing groove.

New Tune: Nature's Law by Embrace (Alternate rock)

A terrific comeback by one of those bands I've always quite liked but never enough to go out and buy their album. Nature's law however, well at the moment this by far and away my favourite song. Rousing chorus, deep meaningful lyrics and soaring strings add up to the best alternate rock track of the year. Even better than last year's Gravity.
5/5.

Old tune: Once in a lifetime by the talking heads.

One of those tunes that everyone knows when they hear it but few people know what it's called or who it's by. It's the one that goes:

And you may ask yourself-well...how did I get here?

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
Into the blue again/after the money’s gone
Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.

It's been getting alot of radio play recently and I've just begun to realise how good it is.
5/5.

New Game: Heroclix.

Yes, I've become hooked to yet another geeky, fanboy game. The difference with this one is that it used figures and not cards.
Basically, me and my opponent make a team of superhero out of our figures and figh it out for some reason, usually pre-agreed scenario based. Each model has a points value so we always predetermine the size of the game before deciding on the teams.
So far, I've played 3 tournaments and came mid table in 2 and last in 1 of them, winning 1 limited edition figure so far, for sportsmanly behaviour (and beating a very difficult/annoying fantastic 4 based team).
I've even entered the 'boroclix' league and after 1 tournament, I' in 14th place out of 17 but there's a tournament tonight so hopefully I'll do well and go up a bit.

New Tv series: Dr. Who (BBC1, Saturdays, 7pm)

I hated the last season with a passion. Namely due the cockyness of Christopher Eccleston, aka Mr. I've yet to star in anything that proves my supposed acting talent. However, I watched the first episode of this season begrudgingly (I was at a friend's house) and was surprised at just how good David Tennant is as the doctor. He's given the doctor the underplayed humour that he had when Tom Baker played him.
And the idea of a hospital run by twisted cat-nurses, give who ever came up with it a pay rise. Absolutely genius. All in all, a show on the mend after being on the critical list under Eccleston.

That'll do for now

Until ext time, see ya!

Random thoughts bouncing around, crying to be let loose.....

2006-04-03T13:07:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone.

Apologies for the lack of posting but I've been struggling for something to type about. Kinda like a writer's block for the 21st century. I've even struggled to come up with a title for this post. The fluidity which used to flow like a river of thought whilst I typed previous post has unfortunately gone. 10 minutes to do one paragraph for god's sake!

Anyway, I guess the creativities gone elsewhere as in my gaming life, I've been alot more creative thanm usual. Vs. system's seen the greatest gains (the x-men deck is now combotastic) and the boring curve sentinel deck has been ditched in favour of an underworld themed deck. Couldn't resist basing a deck around Dracula.

Also I've notice that the stimulus for this new found creativity seems to be everytime I think about my birthday coming up. In two short weeks, I will be the ripe old age of 19. Where have the years gone? If we really are only as old as we feel, then I'm not a day over 12, which is when I think I was probabaly at my smartest in relation to my peers. Or am I just having a second childhood like most people go through during their mid-life crisis? If so, then I'm screwed royally and I'm probably gonna die at 25.

Doesn't matter anyway. The mayans (the second smartest ancient civilisation after the babylonians) say that the earth's 5th and final cycles due to end in 2012 (when I'll be 25) and that the world will come to an end. Given recent/(ish) events, I'm a tad concerned. The boxing day Tsunami in 2004? Hurricane Katrina in 2005? Earthquakes in Birmingham, England in 2005? How about Iran developing nuclear capabilities? A country with a mentally unbalanced president (calling for Israel to be wiped off the map.....literally) having nuclear weapons unnerves me more than a little.

Of course, as with all prophecies, it's open to interpretation. For all anyone knows it could mean that just my personal world will end in 2012. Like in Donnie Darko, when Frank tells Donnie the world's gonna end and then Donnie dies at the exact moment Frank predicted.

I told you this was random. On a lighter note, I've been mostly chilling out with mates. Been spending more time with Paul Crosby, Emma, Alex (mate from games club) and Jim (aka JP, see entry about the superbowl). This has been good because it's relaxing after the heavy d and d sessions in Ollie's campaign, which are fantastic fun but usually fairly serious because at the minute one slip up or one session of bad rolls in likely to get us into a making a new character because the old one just died scenario.

Anyway, that's it for now.

Until next time, see ya!

Back on the job hunt

2006-03-16T04:13:00.000-08:00

Hi Everyone

A vastly overdue post I know but I've had my internet access hampered by RL (Real life). Damn reality. Finally caught up with me.

Anyway, as most of you know I did indeed get ditched from my cushy job as a computer games salesman, in spite of being better (much better) at it than Alan, the boss and Little Dave put together. So I'm back looking for work.

Still, at least the pains in my shoulder that I've been having and thus preventing me from typing for too long, have cleared up on their own. Seriously, I've taken about 2 painkillers in 2 weeks and they had no effect so I didn't take any more. I think it's sleeping on my sister's softer airbed that's done it.
Basically I need a new bed at home. Another thing to add to the list.

Gaming wise, it's picked up again. After months without a steady regular d and d session, I know have 2. One is Ollie's mercenaries campaign on a tuesday and my own wild west style campaign, which still needs more players if anyone in teh Middlesbrough area is interested. This is on Thursdays at Middlesbrough gamers club. See www.m-gc.co.uk for more info on the club and directions on finding it.

Also there's a vs. system tournament on April the 1st (no, I swear it's not a joke) agin at the club. Again anyone interested, let me know by leaving a comment.

That's it for now.

Until next time, see ya!

Last day at work (Possibly....Kinda)

2006-03-03T04:41:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone

Today my work trail at parkway games officially ends. Whether or not Alan (my boss)keeps me on after today is debatable because, although I'm good at this job and he's even admitted so, it's a small shop. This means it only needs one employee to run it and if he decides he wants to run it himself, then I'm back to square one.

He may need an odd day a week man but that's just not good enough. I've made friends with the other retailers over the course of the last 2 weeks and learnt alot about computer games.

I've got a good sales record and have made friends with the regular customers but I doubt as to whether this will hold any sway. As you've probably guessed I'm pretty bummed out over it, partially because in the past 4 hours, I've only had a meagre 7 customer and only 3 actually bought anything.

Roll on 3pm today when Little Dave takes over and especially roll on tomorrow. Mega day at games club 10am til 6pm and then onto a sleepover at Jim's. That's gonna be like the superbowl one (except without the superbowl). We're gonna get some multiplayer computer games (x box: groan! and playstation 2: yay!) and waste the night and each other (in game, of course).

Then I find out my fate on Monday.

I'll post again to let you all know how it went.

Until next time, see ya!

The weekend from hell

2006-02-28T03:53:00.000-08:00

Hi everybody

The week just gone has gotta be one of the worst of my life so I'll do a day by day thing because damn last weekend sucked major monkey balls.

Friday: I woke up at 7.30am (bad start to any day) with a terrible pain in the left side of my stomach so I told my mum and she called and got me a doctor's appointment while I curled up like a little kid on the couch.

Anyway, I limped painfully to the doctors and was told after 35 seconds that it was appendictis and had to go to hospital. So I went home and call dad. He came racing home from work to take me to the hospital, where after blood tests, an x-ray and a thorough examination, and a lot of waiting, I was told I had a groin strain and given painkillers and sent home.

I've had groin strain before and got over it normally without going to hospital, so my crappy GP costs me the entire day. If he'd over taken a bit longer with his diagnosis, I'd've probably been given the same painkillers by him. But anyway, at least I won £50 on a scratchcard.

Saturday: I'm supposed to be going to the redcar games club with Carl, Ollie and Danny. I explain to my taxi driver that I need to be at the train station for 20 past 10am. So like a retard he goes down the busiest road in Middlesbrough, Acklam road and I get stuck in traffic, instead of going the more direct way down the A66.
Needless to say, I missed the train and got the next one 45 minutes later.

So I get to Redcar and then I can't find the damn place because I'd never been before and spend about an hour looking for it, only to eventually find it to be 10 minutes walk from the station. And that it really sucked.

Sunday: After a normal day, the pain returns with avengeance so I take the stronger painkillers and suffer an allergic reaction that was so bad I was still suffering monday morning.

All in all, a craptastic weekend. Anyway, enough bitching for now.

Until next time, see ya!

sidesplitters

2006-02-25T13:13:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone

You guys gotta check out this blog I found: http://sidesplitters.blogspot.com

The jokes on this beauty have had me laugh so hard I had to come away because I got pains in my sides from laughing too hard.

until next time, see ya!

The bored at work post

2006-02-22T05:00:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone.

This is the first of something that'll be probably quite common. A post typed while bored at work. Just finished another lunchtime rush. Now I'm just waiting for the stragglers of aforementioned rush to dry up and then for the 3pm rush to begin.

Today started so slowly I was beginning to think no one would even come in to browse the games but at 10.30am, my first customer came in and bought, well I let you guess a bit. I work in a computer games shop. So a games maybe. No. A joypad perhaps. No. Surely then a random computer accessory. No. He bought print paper.

Half an hour later, 2nd customer. A guy with his own estate apparently (source of this info is sometimes way off but the guy did sound posh so maybe).

Then the lunchtime rush firstly bought the troublemaking chavs. A threat to get security soon shifted their asses. Damn I hate chavs. If only it were legal to keep an anti-chav/ anti-shoplifter shotgn under the counter, I'd get one straight away. Perferably with infinite ammo in a resident evil style.
Then the part exchangers. The kinda guy who come in at least once a week and ask to exchange rubbish games for good ones. Annoying because they always take so damn long deciding what game they want and then always go for the first one they um and ar'd over.

Sorry this has kinda turned in a rant at customer so I'm gonna just sit back andenjoying the piece and quiet of the afternoon period when only the occasional customer comes in.

Until next time see ya!

The awesomeness of being googleable

2006-02-17T04:52:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone

Just a quick one.

I've just discover that if you google for Kalaxis, the first hit is http://ktsh.blogspot.com (aka me!). I found that totally awesome.

I've also found that Kalaxis is a character in a star trek: voyager novel, which rocks as Voyager is one of my favourite TV show.

Recomended! 004

2006-02-17T03:13:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone

It's been about 6 weeks since I last shared a list of recommended stuff with you all so I think it's time for another one.

New tune: Thunder in my heart again by Meck.
This is a great dance tune that uses a sample from Leo Sayer's 70's hit 'Thunder in my heart'. It's one that'll get stuck in your head after a few listens, especially if you listen to the awesome miami calling mix.
5 out of 5 stars.

Computer game: Simpsons: Hit and run.

Ok. So it's been around for about 2 years now but it's still a good, easy to play game for those lazy afternoons when the more challenging games are just too much of a pain to bother with.
Beware though, if you anythig like me, you may find it slightly addictive.
4 Stars out of 5

Old tune: That's entertainment by the Jam.

What can I say other than this is Paul Weller at this lyrically genius best. A simple arrangement of Paul's vocals about working class life on the 1980's, acoustic guitar and an underpinning drum beat.
An absolute benchmark against which all singer/songwriters should be judged because James Blunt's got nothing on this.

TV show: 24 season 5.

4 episodes in and I'm hooked back in to the world of Jack Bauer, the world's unluckiest counter terrorism agent. This time the terrorists are attempting to stop the presidents of America and Russia from signing an anti-terrorism treaty by hijacking an airport and taking passengers and staff hostage.
Episode 4 is a must see just for the way Jack takes out on the terrorists. I'm not saying anymore......

That's pretty much it for now

so until next time see ya!

Finally got the time for a new post

2006-02-11T03:42:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone.

It's been a damn long time since the last proper post (the updated friends blog list doesn't count) so this is basically just a sorta catch up one.

The past few weeks have been some of the busiest of my life so the events mentioned will most likely be out of chronological order.

First major event: I had a meeting with a prospective employer. As a result of this, he said he would need cover as his wife is expecting a baby on February 14th, Valentine's day. What a present that's gonna be for him!
Anyway, I start probably on Wednesday. This is because the damn health and safety inspector hasn't been to check it yet. It should be ok though. How dangerous can a small computer games store in an out of town shopping centre with regular security patrols be?
The other great thing about this job is that it's 10 minutes from my house at a leisurely stroll so I can get up at 20 past 8am and still be ready and alert for a 9am start.

Second major event: I've been on a training course for the past week, the aim of which was to get unemployed people back into work. 3 whole days wasted, so many stairs claimed pointlessly because the lift was broken and the place was on the 4th floor. I got the job mentioned above on the second day of the course for god's sake. Oh well, at least I made some new friends/acquintances.

Third major event: The superbowl party at Jim's. Being an englishman, I'm not really interested in the superbowl but a few people I know casually where going and I figured that it'd be a good social experience if nothing else. I of course didn't realise the superbowl coverage takes 5 hours and kicking of at 10pm (local time) meant it didn't end until 3am (local time). And of course we stayed up chatting until about 5.30am
I had to be at the aforementioned training course at 11.30am so after an hour's sleep and a night of drinking budweiser, vodka, and sake and eating nothing but junk food like hot dogs and tortilla chips, man I literally thought I was gonna die. I had to get checked over by a paramedic and everything. Not a night I'll be repeating in a hurry.

Forth major event: Last Tuesday. My local games club held it's annual general meeting where the new committe gets voted in and finances for the year are announced and all taht sorta thing. Me and a few friends stood for positions. Carl got on to the committee. Me and Adam missed out by ONE god damn stinking vote. I've been a co-opted committee member for 3 years so to not be on the committee officially at last kinda sucks. Oh well, I've been told that me and my mate Paul are gonna be the first co-opted when the committee gets round to it next month so it's not all bad.

Fifth major evnet: Last Thursday. One of my hobbies is Collectible card games and on Thursday we had a draft to celebrate the release of the new magic the gathering set, Guildpact. The format was four rounds of best 2 out of 3 with the top 2 game win records getting prizes. I came through the first 3 rounds with a faultless 6-0 win record and played Ollie needing only to win a game for second place guaranteed. I won the first game to take 2nd guaranteed. Then looking good for the second game and a clean 8-o sweep, my deck stopped working. No matter what I did, Ollie's deck could counter it and, when I had an opportunity to do something without him being able to reply, I need to draw ANYTHING but land. I drew a land. I played a card draw spell and drew a land.
So I got second place instead of first. Still this is a personal best so I can't really grumble too much.

And that's pretty much the events of the past 3 weeks in a nutshell. Sorry if I waffled on a bit.

Until next time, see ya!

Update friends blogs list.

2006-02-01T04:33:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone.

The original's a bit out of date now as I've made some new friends with blog who weren't mentioned and one of the blogs that was mention kinda only had one post because yankie couldn't be bothered with it. So the new list is as follows:

Http://xlblaze.blogspot.com (Paul Crosby's site)

Http://the-farce.blogspot.com (Carl's site)

Http://theborbon.blogspot.com (Adam's site)

Http://davidsykes.blogspot.com (Big Dave's site)

Http://ofinsignificantimportance.blogspot.com (Lanette, my first blog friend's site)

Http://philosophyisking.blogspot.com (Ollie's philosophy site).

Ps if anyone knows why these are coming up as hyperlinks, could they please tell me how to change it so that they do. Thanks in advance.

Until next time, see ya.

New year...new phone... and a yoghurt addiction

2006-01-07T12:15:00.000-08:00

Hello everybody

I hope you all had a great new year and are so far having a good 2006.

It's been a while since the last post so this is really just a catch-up with the events of my last 11 days or so.

I pretty much did jack worthy of comment (eat and drink copiously, slept copiously and watch 24 season 4 in 10 days. That's just a little under 2 and a half episodes a day) until Today. Yesterday my phone unexpectedly stop working. I couldn't even turn the damn thing on so begrudingly I bought my self a new phone. It only cost me a tenner so that's not too bad. It's a bit better than old one. At least his one has a colour screen. Now all I got do is get used to it. Bare in mind I've had my old phone for 2 and a half years and I only got that because my dad bought me it when mine was stolen by a pickpocket.

In other news, I think I've become dependent on muller crunch corners. The banana one with chocolate flakes are an absolute godsend. Tesco sell them 5 for 1 pound 80. (I think my keyboard's in american setting because my pound sign button comes up as # and I'm a self confessed technology dumbass, help anyone?). This has lead to me buying 5 every 2 days and it starting to cost me a small fortune but at least it's getting points on my clubcard.

I've also really became addicted to monkey gone to heaven by the pixies. Damn this is one fine
tune. It's got a very 90's indie sound to it and crazy lyrics (if man is 5, then the devil is 6 and the devil is 6 and god is 7). I guess it's what you'd call a student anthem.

That's pretty much it for now.

Until next time, see ya!

Recommended! 003

2005-12-27T14:22:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone.

I hope you all had a great christmas and got all the prezzies that you wanted because I did and therefore I am supremely happy.

In addition to this, Uncle Michael, who I see maybe once a year if I'm lucky has just turned up out of the blue. This may not sound like blog world important news but it's been about 2 and a half years since I last saw him so it's kinda overdue.

Anyway my current recommendations are:

New Tune: Where's the pleasure by Protocol. Melodic hard rock.

I've only heard this once or twice but I've been left playing air guitar like a lunatic both times. The only way I can really describe it is like a musical collision between the killers, the bravery and Franz Ferdinand.
With tunes like this, they'll be bigger than all three put together.
Rating: 11 out of 10.

Old tune: Pure by the lightning seeds. Brit pop.

The best song by possibly the second best underrated band ever (after the kinks). It's by the guys who did 3 lions. Ok it's technically a mushy love song but the lyrics rock.

Movie: The chronicles of Narnia: The lion, the witch and the wardrobe.

I watched ths with a sense of absolute dread. I was sure it wouldn't be half as good as the book. I was totally wrong because it sticks so close to the book it's almost like the dialogue is the actors reading the book aloud.
I had my niece and nephew with me and it's difficult to say if they enjoyed it more than I did. Finally an epic without some talentless pretty boy hero, the thing that ruined Kingdom of heaven (Orlando Bloom as a hero blacksmith? WTF?).
A bit slow to get going but once it does, you'll be hooked.
Rating: 9 out of 10.

TV Show: Man stroke woman. BBC3. 10.30pm. Sundays.

The funniest sketch show since Little Britain. Less comercial and probably bound for more of a cult following than mainstream critical acclaim but hiliariously funny. If, like me, you like comedy that leaves you with stomach ache from laughing too hard and thinking WTF?, you'll love it.
Rating: 8 out of 10.

Until next year, have a cracking new year.
See ya.

Merry (politically correct) capitalist sellout/ winter festival season!

2005-12-20T04:20:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone for what could be the last time in 2005.

I'll try and get the time to post again for new year but it's not looking likely due to partying, over-eating and general laziness over this "wonderful" period.

Anyway, I'd wished you all a merry christmas but god knows I don't wanna be politically incorrect know do I? Oh no, I can't say christmas in case it offends non-christians. It's not even truly christmas anyway. Why I hear you ask? Simple. Cliff Richards HASN'T traumatized the british public by releasing a single. Thanks religious entity x for small miracles.

It all so comercial these days. One shop in Coulby Newham had christmas stuff for sale in September. That's 3 MONTHS before the day. Halloween hadn't even happened and they were trying to get people to buy christmas tat. Ridiculous.

Christmas is supposed to be about families coming together for one - three special day/s to celebrate the birth of the saviour of the world, Jesus christ. Even though he was born closer to May in a country where it's never cold enough to snow.
Now it's all about how much of your hard earned cash you had over for stuff you don't like or need or evn really want and then spending hours preparing a meal you don't even really want to eat.

Then there's christmas music. OH. Dear. Religious entity X. No wonder so many people get despressed around this time of the year. If I hear Do they know it's christmas time? or I wish it could be christmas everyday once more, I will not be held accountable for my actions.

So to summarize christmas, if I can still call it that without getting sued by some muslim/hindu/Jew/killjoy, sucks like a dyson. It never loses it suction for even a second.

On a lighter note, try and have a good one and a great new yaer.

Util next time, see ya!

You know you're in Middlesbrough (and that it sucks) when...

2005-12-14T12:09:00.000-08:00

Hello everybody.

Just a few ways to tell you're in Middlesbrough or The "big Smoggy". You know when 1 or more of the following happens

1. A 7 year old kid asks you for a light.

2. You hear football fans refer to their team's inconsistency and grumble about our ability to beat Arsenal and Man Utd (good teams) one week and then get beat by Sunderland and Everton (not so good teams) the next week.

3. When someone clearly underage get into a club no problem. Then you get asked for ID.

4. Tired of waiting for the bus, you call a taxi. No sooner do you hang up, than TWO buses arrive.

5. Your favourite band say their touring the north east of England with dates at Newcastle, Sunderland, Gateshead and Darlington. Seriously, no good band's played a gig in this town since like....... ever.

6. You decide to go and see a play. Then realise the nearest proper theatre is in Stockton.

7. You go to a police station to report a crime and it has a closed sign saying "Opening hours 9 am - 4 pm monday to Saturday. Closed all day sunday".

8. You go to the bar and a small child aged about 5 gets served a pint before you do.

9. You realise the nearest airport (Durham tees valley) is in the middle of nowhere. It's closer to Darlington.

10. You drive past a sign saying "Welcome to Middlesbrough".

Ok I kinda ran out of ideas towards the end but you get the idea. Middlesbrough is a crap place to live but alright to visit for a day before moving on.

See ya 4 now!

Humble tribute to a true legend.

2005-12-08T03:29:00.000-08:00

Hi Everyone.

Once again the date is December 8th. A day that always gives me mixed emotions. Today is my sister's birthday (Happy 27th Birthday, Ellen)and so on one hand I am happy but it is also the day that a true legend, a man who inspired millions, a genius with a legacy second only to Elvis, died with fills me with sadness.

On this day in 1980, 25 years ago, a crazed madman assasinated one of the greatest influences of the century. A man renowned as solo artist and as the leader of the greatest band ever. I refer of course to John Lennon.

25 years ago, Mark Chapman robbed the entire world of a man who symbolised hope, peace and courage to millions of people. So this is a humble tribute to him and long may people still introduce their children to his amazing work so that his legacy will go on.

John Lennon R.I.P.

"Catching the ferropede"

2005-12-03T05:41:00.000-08:00

Hi again.

This is just a very brief post to explain something I mentioned in a previous post.

The incident of Carl trying to "catch the ferropede" is as follows. Carl was round Big Dave's one day and Dave had a large pile of magic cards on his coffee table. He was making a new deck or something and Carl accidently knocked the pile off. According to Dave, Carl proceeded to try (and utterly fail) to catch the falling cards, one of which was called ferropede. When Dave regaled us with the story he claimed Carl was trying to "catch the ferropede".

Therefore whenever one of us did something stupid, it was comparated to Carl trying to "catch the ferropede".

The people who made me who I am today part 3: Friends beyond friends.

2005-12-02T13:21:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone.

God it's been a while (or at least seems to have been a while) since my last post so I thought I'd kick back in which a dedication to some very special people. Beware this is one helluva long post. So you might wanna get a hot drink and a snack before settling down to read it.

The people mentioned below are no blood relation of mine but, God forbid, if anything serious happen to them like a serious injury or worse, it would be feel just as though it had happen to my brother or sister.

These are the friends beyond friends. A group of people I've been through so much with that they've become as good as family to me. In some cases, their parents and siblingseven have become like my 2nd parents and like my own brother/sister (Matt and Mitch's family and Tom's family especially).

So without further ado I give you the friends beyond friends.

Paul Crosby:
I've known Paul about 6 years now. We met through some who at the time was a friend's annoying little brother, Mitch. As I recall, Me, Tom and Matt were playtesting Bladewars (BIOTS As it was then known. An RPG we invented ourselves) in the school library when Paul and Mitch asked if they could join in. We agreed and the rest is history. We met for regular gaming sessions at Matt and Mitch and eventually became good friends.

Out of what eventually became a group of 6 who had regular sleepovers at Matt and Mitch's (Martyn joined too), Paul's the one who I see most often (Usually twice a week at Games Club) and I'd just like to thank him for a few things: his patience with my volcanic temper, the pizza he used to bring to the sleepovers, the lifts home from club and in general just being a good friend and all-round top bloke.

Tom Sandford: I've known Tom for about 7 years now. We were both in the top group for English, maths and science and became lab partners in science. One day we were talking about our interests outside of school and Tom asked if I like roleplay games. Thinking that he meant Computer games like resident evil, I answered enthusiastically. When he showed me Bladewars, I was so sure but soon got hooked on it. A few days later, he introduced me to his best friend from primary school, Matt. Well I was shocked. This turned out to be the same Matthew Flewelling that I'd known and been friends with years before. So eventually we all became like a sort of shambolic three musketeers as Matt was also in my science, maths and english classes.

I don't see Tom much anymore because he's at Stafford university, which is quite far away so I'd again just like to thank him for a few things: His patience, introducing me to Middlesbrough Gamers Club, Magic the gathering and roleplaying, for singlehandedly dragging me through science with a passing grade, but most of all for introducing/reintroducing me to most of my best friends and being a top all-round bloke and great friend.

Martyn Stockley: I've known Martyn for about 6 years. We met through Bladewars. We used to play in the school library where he was a student librarian at lunchtimes. One day he asked to join us and although he pushed me away and were often positively hostile towards him, he just kept coming back so eventually we accepted him in our group.

I see him about once a week for our sunday d and d session (along with Barry. Paul you're welcome to join) because unlike the rest of us, he was a job. ok it's McDonald's but hey. I'd just like to thank him for: being a release for a lot of pent-up frustration in the early days, having a great sense of humour and making me laugh, the early morning magic sessions before anyone else was up at the sleepovers and for just generally being a great mate and a top bloke.

Barry Ryan: I've known Barry about 6 years and yet I don't now him all that well. We met through Martyn bringing him to one of the bladewars sessions but we haven't really gotten to know each other until recently. So on the off chance you'll see this Barry, I'm sorry. I don't really know what to say but surely your inclusion in this list says it all anyway.

Emma Wilkinson: I've known Emma about 7 years but only really got to know her well in the past 2 or 3 years. We originally met when she used to pick her sister Alison up from school and had a sort of passing friendship. Acknowledgement if we met in the street but then walk off sort of thing. This changed about 3 years ago when she started dating Paul and coming to the club so we became better friends and now I'd count her as one of my best friends.
I'd like to thank her for: putting up with me and Paul taking about game rules on the way home from club constantly, the lifts home, for keeping Paul happy and generally for just being a great all-round friend.

Matt: I've technically known Matt for 9 years. I say technically because we lost contact for about 2 and a half years when he left Viewley Hill primary school.
We met again as I've already explained through Tom and Bladewars so I'd be repeating myself to go over it here.

He and Mitch live in their native Canada now so I haven't seen them for about 2 years but I still consider them amongst my best friends. I'd like to thank Matt for: His patience, introducing me to d and d, Vampire the masquerade and Risk, 3 of my favourite games, introducing me to Rammstein (their mutter album became the soundtrack to many, many gaming sessions over the years) and for generally being the kind of friend I could always turn to for support.

Mitch: I've known Mitch for about 6 years. Again I've already covered how we met in Paul's section.

I'd like to thank him for: being my magic the gathering mentor during the first year or so, the crazy chess sessions spent most making silly noises and talking crap trying to put each other off, always being at home when I came round randomly and never turning me away without an exceptional good reason, for setting me off on the legends hunt (I collect magic the gathering legend cards. When I started, it was a joke. Just to see how many I could actually get. At the time, there were about 200. Now it's an obsession and there are about 400. I have about 355), and for being my best friend at a difficult time when I needed a best friend.

Matt and Mitch on the off-chance you read this: please get in touch if you can because I really miss you guys.

So that's it. Finally finished.

See ya 4 now!

Fair play to the prime minister

2005-11-20T13:12:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone.

Friday night and I find myself watching the children in need fundraisers on BBC1 (Sad, I know) but I've gotta say fair play to Tony Blair.

For those not viewing, John Culshaw (impressionist extraordinaire and dead ringers founding member) was making a spoof appeal mimicking Tony Blair when the real Tony Blair joined him on stage and took the whole mockery in very good humour,which in my book, makes him a good sport. Not many politicians would have allowed themselves to be taken up in this day and age so fair play Mr Prime minister.

The other highlights worthy of mention is the newsreaders rhapsody. Every year the BBC newsreaders make themselves look stupid and this year was no exception. They performed bohemian rhapsody and it was strange to say the least. I'm sure the dresses woren by Fiona Bruce and Natasha Kaplinsky were the same ones that Girls Aloud wore in the no good advice video.

Anyway good to see people willing to embarass themselves in front of millions for such a worthwhile charity.

Until the next post take care of yourselves and, as Jerry Springer used to say, and each other.

A brief reprieve for Chirac/ X-factor rant.

2005-11-16T13:27:00.000-08:00

I'd like to amend and extend my list from the when the revolution comes post as follows:

Jacques Chirac is to be replaced by Chico from the X factor. He Should have been gone long ago but especially last week. Last week was a travesty of justice not seen in music since Shaddap your face kept Vienna off the number 1 spot in 1981. Making us choose between the Conway sisters and Maria while this talentless, well anything insulting is insulting the insult, is guaranteed a place in the next round is infuriating.

The 6 person I'd brutally kill when the revolution comes: Vernon Kay. Correct me if I'm wrong but TV presenters are supposed to have at least a tiny bit of talent/charm. This idiot has neither. Shouting in a Bolton accent is not a talent. Someone please in the meanwhile give him a good slapping.

Damn it at this rate I'll turn into a Saddam hussein/Hitler/Pol pot hybrid creature of pure evil doom. Damn I'd turn into a bigger warmonger than George "dubya" Bush. That's quite a feat.

Anyway my prediction for winning this ''contest'' are:

Journey South (A local band for local people. They are actually from my part of Middlesbrough. Coulby Newham) are my tip for winners.

The Conway Sisters (if Cowell gives them better songs) will be runners up.

Andy (the soulful black guy) should come third (if not higher).

When the revolution comes

2005-11-16T09:39:00.000-08:00

This post is borrowing an idea off Adam's site. He had a post about people he like to see killed when the revolution comes so I decided to do my own list. My top 5 are:

1. Robbie Williams. This guy's got more money than he can shake a stick at. The same's true with fans/poor delusional fouls (delete as appropriate) and yet he's always moaning about something or other. Maybe a good slapping will shut him up. After all, he's not done too bad for a talentless, fat backing dance from take that.

2. Radiohead. Cheer up god damn it. Every one of their tunes is like a funeral dirge and that's being modest. To misquote Ozzy Osbourne: it could be worse. You could be sting.

3. Chris Evans. Who let this idiot onto TV? I've yet to see any evidence of intelligence from this guy. He turns up for work late and drunk, gets fired and tries to sue for unfair dismissal. And loses. Badly. And looks like an even bigger idiot. Poetic justice.

4. Ant and Dec. Does having to watch this two talentless tossers slowly take over every presenting job on ITV class as cruel and unusual punishment. Something the human rights act protects us from? I think it does. So when the revolution comes , I will derive no greater pleasure as my firing squadron execute these wankers.

5. Jacques Chirac. The most cowardly french man ever. And that's quite a feat. It's no wonder the french youths are rioting. He makes tony Blair look semi competent. Again quite a feat.

So ya 4 now!

I saw this on Adam's site and decided to copy it

2005-11-16T09:37:00.000-08:00

The cereal box agility game

2005-11-05T13:58:00.000-08:00

This was mentioned in a previous post and I said I'd explain later so I will.

This started out in Games world, a fine shop owned by my good friend, Paul McGarrell. We (me, Leady, Yankie, Big Dave, Carl and Adam were discussing d and d and eventually it got round to what stats we'd have if we were d and d characters for real and what classes we'd be.

Yankie said he'd be a rogue with good charisma, which is probably about right. Adam said he'd be a monk with high wisdom. Carl said he'd probably be a fighter with high strength. Big Dave said an intelligent wizard. Leady refused to comment saying we were crazy. It came round to me and I wasn't sure. Leady pointed out I don't really drop stuff if it thrown to me and that I have good dexterity. So I decided I'd be a dextrous ranger.

Anyway, we went back to Big Dave's to leave Leady to actually do some work for a bit. Yankie went home. Adam left soon after we got to Dave's. At about half 10 Yankie invited us round to his for some games of magic.

At about 1 am, Yankie asked just who dextrous I thought I was. I told him I wasn't really sure. He then challenged me, Carl and Dave to the cereal box agilty challenge.
This involves putting a cereal box on the floor. Participant then take turns to pick the box up using nothing but their mouth and stand without dropping it. After every round, about an inch all the way around is torn off the box. Dave went out after 2 rounds. Carl went after 3, leaving me and Yankie in a face off. Round 6, the box was about 4 inches off the floor. Me and Yankie succeed......barely. Round 7, Yankie failed after 3 attempts. I succeed on my 2nd attempt. Yankie tells me no-one was ever past round 8 or beyond. The box is 2 inches from the ground. Attempt 1 fails. Attempt 2 fails. Attempt 3. I'm in real pain but somehow pick it up in between my teeth. Everyone applauds me. Yankie jokingly asks if I wanna try the round 9, 1 inch high box. I accept the challenge. Knees bent, I adopt Yankie's swooping bird of prey technique and with a great growl, swoop in on the box...and miss. Attempt number 2 I get lower and with an even greater growl, the box is lifted. I almost drop it on the way up but no. Another round of applause and a painful back.

Ladies and gentlemen, the cereal box agility game story.

Recommended! 002

2005-11-05T07:23:00.000-08:00

Hello again.

It's been a while since I last posted anything so this seems a good way to return.

New Album: Darklight by H.I.M (His infernal majesty). Gothic Rock.

Damn this album rocks! It's a bit more melodic then there other stuff but that makes it better in some ways. You should be familiar with the lead single 'wings of a butterfly' by now so check this out if you enjoyed it.
I predict that Vampire Heart, under the rose and face of god may make it to singles.

Rating 5 stars out of 5.

TV Show: The comic side of 7 days. BBC Three. 10.30 pm. Fridays.

A comedy show based on the events of the last 7 days. It's packed with comments and sketches from Britain's funniest comedians (fans of Gervais, Kaye and Norton needn't tune in).
Funniest thing since Little Britain.

TV Show: Deal or no deal. Channel 4. 4.15pm. Weekdays.

A triumphant return to telly for Noel Edmonds (thankfully without Blobby). Ok so it's a game show but it's easily the most tense game show since who wants to be a millionaire?. Just watch it. Don't ask me about the rules, I'm still not entirely sure.

Old movie: The Wicker Man. Classic horror starring Edward Woodward and Britt Ekland. 1973.

My favourite horror movie ever. A policeman, PC Howie (Woodward) from the scottish mainland goes to investigate the disappearance of a girl on Summer isle, off the scottish coast. When he gets there he quickly discovers that the inhabitants are practising pagan rituals and that their crops failed the previous year.
So after researching pagan rituals, he concludes that they plan to sacrifice her to their sun god to ensure a plentiful harvest. However, it emerges that they are indeed planning a human sacrifice but not the girl. No they plan to sacrifice him in a giant bonfire structure.........the wicker man.

see ya for now

The people who made me who I am today part 2: Friends

2005-10-22T04:14:00.000-07:00

Hi again this part is a thank you to my friends for their input into my life. There may be too many to mention but I'll try to acknowledge everyone I can. Credit were credit's due etc.
So there goes:

Carl Atherton

I've known Carl for about 5 years. We met at games club when I first started to play magic the gathering. Carl's a good laugh and a good friend to have. He's good natured, patient and loyal to his friends.
Ok there have been alot of times we haven't got on but he's always been there when I needed someone to discuss problems with or test a new deck against and he taught me alot of stuff about dungeons and dragons so cheers mate.

Adam McConnell

I've known Adam about 5 years. I don't really know him all taht well but he's good natured,patient and loyal to his friends.
We have a very similar taste in music and a similar outlook on life and I think this is what made us friends.
All in all, I glad Adam's a friend not an enemy.

'Big' Dave Sykes

I've known Dave about 3 years. I call him 'big' dave for obvious reasons.
He's a good friend to have. A good laugh, generous, but most of all patient. He was the glue that held a band of muppets (me, Carl, Adam, Chris, Ollie, Yankie Dave, Matty, and of course himself) together. He put up with all sorts of muppetry like Carl trying to 'catch the ferropede' (I explain later), and me accidently breaking lamps in the night.
He lives in London now and is missed by his mates in Middlesbrough.

'Yankie' Dave Robertshaw

I've known Yankie for about 3 years. We call him Yankie because he used to live in the states.
He's the absolute master of sick humour. I've tried to outdo him many times and each time been totally whupped.
However, he's also good to have a round when time's get tough as he's usually sympathetic and ready to help you through it by cheering you up with jokes or stupid games like the cereal box agility game. (again I'll explain later).

Ollie Mayes

I've known Ollie about 5 years. Ollie and I have an on/off friendship as we often have personality clashes but he's never afraid to tell me his true opinion on stuff and that's refreshing.
He taught me most of what I known about the importance of card draw and timing in magic the gathering.

Matty Anderson

I've known Matty about 4 years. Like most of my other mates he's kind, polite and a good laugh and like most of my mates he's taught me stuff. Mainly when to take life seriously and when not to.
He also taught me the power of spellcasting d and d characters.

Paul McGarrell.

I've known Paul about 5 years. He's owns his own shop, Games World, here in Middlesbrough which provides us with a palce to meet up and chat about random stuff.
He's kind, patient and a very good laugh. Without Paul's input into my magic palying, I'd be probably half as good because, in addition to tips on game play, he provides quality cards at reasonable prices.

The people who helped make me in who I am today: family.

2005-10-21T13:55:00.000-07:00

Hi again everybody, this could be a long post as I raelly don't wanna miss anyone if I can avoid it. So first and foremost in this post: my immediate family (parents, siblings etc). People say you can choose your friends but not your family but I couldn't choose a better family so there goes:

My mother Carol Swinbank:

I am so lucky to have the greatest mam in the world. This is because I don't really have parents. I have 2 best friends. She still does all the mam stuff like look after me when I'm ill, make sure I have clean clothes and eat well and that sorta stuff but she's my confidant as well. I can tell her my deepest fears and hopes and she'll offer her view on them. We always have a good laugh and are always unconditionally there for each other in the darkest of days.
Simply, She's the best ever mother.

My father Malcolm Swinbank:

He's the quiet parent. He does all the 'behind the scenes' stuff like pay the bills, and earn the money so we can live comfortably. We don't really talk all that much but I know I can tell him anything and ask his advice on anything.
He work alot but he's always there when I need a lift home or a lift to a friend's house.
He always takes me anywhere I wanna go on days out when he's off and we have the same sort of interests: sport, history, the world around us, that sorta thing.
Simply, he's the best father ever.

My brother Chris Swinbank:

He was my role model growing up: smart, strong (emotionally and physically), good looking, polite and charismatic. In a lot of way he still is.
He's always been there whenever I've needed a big brother to turn to for help, in spite of the fact that we don't see each other much. When I do see him, we argue jokingly for most of the time. I can remeber ever having a serious argument with him, evn when he returns home from another failed relationship and I can find anything for his stuff.
Simply, he's the best elder brother ever.

My Sister Ellen Swinbank:

She helped me develop my sense of individuality the most out of everyone by teaching me to be independent from a young age but she was always there to take over if something went wrong.
I see her at least twice a week as she lives about 20 minutes from me so we still do lots of things together. I type this blog from her computer actually!
She helped develop my artistic side because she's one of Middlesbrough's greatest artists. She just needs more confidance in her ability. At school, my head of year had a watercolour she made for him up in his office for about 10 years, so it must have been good.
Simply, she's the best elder sister ever.

Friends' blogs

2005-10-16T14:07:00.000-07:00

My mates also have blogs that you may wanna check out. Note: i'm for so reason refered to labrador boy on some of them. I'll do a post explaining who they are later.

http://theborbon.blogspot.com. (Adam's site).

http://davidsykes.blogspot.com. (Big Dave's site).

http://teamgdci.blogspot.com. (Yankie Dave's site).

http://xlblaze.blogspot.com. (Paul Crosby's site).

http://the-farce.blogspot.com. (Carl's site).

http://philosophyisking.blogspot.com. (Big Dave's new site).

http://redarmycomrades.blogspot.com/. (Adam's political site)

Enjoy.

Recommended! 001

2005-10-16T13:38:00.000-07:00

Hi. This will probably become a regular spot on the site. Basically it's so that I can share with you guys stuff that I think rocks be it a new movie, old movie, new tune, old tune, book that I've just read etc and a brief reason why it rocks. In the case of movies and tunes I'll try and give a genre. Feel free to comment on them.

Anyway here goes:

New Tune: Rebellion (Lies) By Arcade Fire. Melodic Soft Rock. It's not so much the vocals that I like but the actual music that underpins it. This would rock even more as an instrumental.
Rating 4 stars out of 5.

TV show: Rock School. Channel 4. 9.30pm. Friday. It's Gene Simmons (Rock legend from the band Kiss) teaching classically trained, posh kids to rock and making them into a band that's gonna be supporting Motorhead. It's basically school of rock in a TV show which equals fantastic. And there not actually that bad (Except that lead singer kid. Someone slap him please).

Old Movie: Cruel Intentions. Dark Comedy Starring Sarah Michelle Gellar (Buffy) and Salma Hayek (Pass as for what else she's in). Buffy acting like a whore and screwing around with people's lives majorly by being a bitch. What's not to like?

Old Tune: Waterloo Sunset by The Kinks. 1976. Classic soft rock. Ray Davies at his songwriting genius best. The best song from the best underrated band in music.

Why the blogs called KTSH.

2005-10-16T13:20:00.000-07:00

Some of you may well wonder why on earth I've called my blog KTSH. Well these are the initials of an infamous dungeons and dragons character that I was (and still am) incredibly proud of. His name was Kalaxis the silent hunter and he was a level 6 elven rogue.

He gains notority in the game due to his tenacity and quirky charm. He survived at least 2 outright attempts by the dungeon master to kill him, including a time he killed an evil necromantic clone of himself. Admittedly, this was down to excellent rolls and superior rules knowledge, but that's still impressive in my book.

The other thing about Kalaxis is he was the first character I ever truly roleplayed as. I became Kalaxis during the game sessions, and once when I was out shopping.
Kalaxis was an opportunist so when the guy at GAME asked if I'd been waiting in a very long line to be served, I said yes without hesistation.

Kalaxis eventually had to be retired because he got ripped off by a small town when a thief picked his pocket badly, he challenged the culprit to a dual and won. Unfortunately the sheriff and his deputies hadn't seen the pickpocketing and assumed Kalaxis had killed in cold blood, so the entire town turned on the party. Only the cleric and kalaxis survived the skirmish, having wiped out the entire town, so Kalaxis proclaimed himself mayor.

And that's why this blog's called KTSH. Until next post see ya.

My firing from Wanadoo

2005-10-10T03:53:00.000-07:00

Most of you will probably already know why I got fired but for those of you who don't here's the story.

I got my job at Garlands call centre here in Middlesbrough in December and was appointed to the wanadoo contract. I sucked at it. So one night after work I headed round to Big Dave's flat (Big Dave's a mate who now lives in London so I don't see him much). When I got there, Dave said he had to go out but that I could go up as another mate, Carl was already there.
So I went up and told Carl about my crappy day at a crappy job. He hadn't had a much better day so we decided to have a few shots of whiskys and tequilas to drown our sorrows.
About half an hour later, Ollie and Yankie Dave turned up and joined us. Big dave got back about 5 minutes after that and said that was ok for me and Carl to sleep over because we had early starts the next morning. At about 11pm, we ran out of lemons for the tequila so we started using bacon bits instead. Needless to say we were a bit worse for wear by the time Ollie and Yankie Dave decided to go and try and pick up some hookers for us all.
Meanwhile, me, Carl and Big Dave sat around trying to play Burnout 3 and failing miserably while downing the second bottle of Tequila.
At about half 1 in the morning Yankie and Ollie returned having critically failed their quest for whores and so Yankie left disappointed and the rest of us sat drinking and watching porn and family guy until about 3am when Big dave went to bed, Carl trashed on the sofa (literally) and I fell asleep in the chair by the PC. As for Ollie, I found him sprawled face first on the bathroom floor, head in between the toilet and the bath at about 7am.
Needless to say we all phoned in sick. These events took place on a saturday. By the following tuesday, I was finishing my last call as a wanadoo agent.

MORAL OF STORY: Drinking too excess when you've got work the next day then phoning in sick: P45 time/sacking of you by your employer/being made redundant etc. So don't do it!

Hi Everybody part 2

2005-10-10T02:31:00.000-07:00

As promised here's a brief description of me

My name is Simon Swinbank, i'm 18 years old and i live in Middlesbrough, Teeside, England.
I'm 6 foot 1-ish, Slim build. I have dark brown hair and hazel eyes.

My interests include Magic the gathering, Dungeons and dragons, Star trek (but not the god awful enterprise, because DAMN that was a shit series. See later post for details of why), and general gaming. As you've probably guessed i'm a bit of a self confessed geek. I'm a committee member of Middlesbrough Gamers Club (www.m-gc.co.uk/cms) for god's sake.

I'm currently unemployed. I used to work for Wanadoo as a call centre agent. This involved me attempting to tell people why their broadband doesn't work, which would have been ok had the training problem been any good. Anyway it was kinda my own fault I got fired. Again I'll cover this in another post.

I'm very into my music. Growing up I had 60's and 70's music coming at me from downstairs from mam and dad, 90's boyband pop (boyzone, backstreet boys etc) coming from my sister's room and the early dance scene with tunes like N-Trance - Set you free and Pragha Khan - Injected with a poison coming from my brother's room as well as numerous influences from friends so I as a result like bits from all kind of music (barring the infinitely shit Rap/R 'n' B stuff and classical and jazz).
My favourite bands/artists are Kasabian, Paul Van Dyk, T-Rex, Daft Punk, Stereophonics and HIM.

My favourite TV shows are 24 because it's brilliantly written, brilliantly acted and Elisha Cuthbert's eye candy when the action isn't focused on Jack, Lost because it's got a dark edge to it. I get the sense that something could go horribly wrong for any of the characters at anytime, Futurama because it's what the simpson should been like if they'd aged properly and Bender rocks! and Star trek: Voyager because Janeway is easily the bset captain because put everything the others had to do and, in terms of difficulty, it's nowhere near getting a crew home from the other side of the galaxy through unknown and usually hostile space with limited supplies.

My favourite films are Pulp Fiction because it's tarantino's best film and he's a great director, American Pie (the first one) because it picks me up when I'm down, and the wicker man because it's a seminal, brooding horror and you just don't get that with modern horror film.

Anyway, the purpose of this blog is to be an online journal of my adventures through this crazy existence that we call life and for me to bitch about stuff/big stuff up if it's good.

Hi Everybody

2005-10-09T16:17:00.000-07:00

Just a quick hello tonight as it getting late and so i'm going to bed. I'll give a description of myself and a few more details about what to expect from this blog in my next post.